With life comes responsibility, right. I'm sure that many of you can relate to having to hold down one, two, maybe even three jobs in order to keep up with your daily obligations. We have bills to pay. Student loans that seem will never be satisfied and so; we wake up everyday and make the most of what we've got. What about our responsibility to ourselves and our dreams? I've had many people tell me I'm just a dreamer. That I have a fantastical idealistic view of what the world should be. I stand before you guilty as charged. Is there something wrong with believing, down to my core, that we have the right to live the life we desire? Are you living that life? Or was it neatly tucked away in the back of a closet in exchange for someone else's expectations. Perhaps, I am the only one feeling this way, but something tells me I am not alone. I have to admit there are days where the rebellious side of me wants to make erratic decisions in lieu of doing things responsibly. In those moments, I can't help but feel I am a child trapped in an adult's body. To those of you who may be thinking I need to suck it up and grow up, I'll leave you with these words of wisdom, by a man who knew these very struggles. Henry David Thoreau.
"The mass of men, lead lives of quiet desperation. But there is no need for them to, if they would only direct their own lives rather than doing what they thought others expect of them. Live your own lives".
Having a meltdown at work is a sure sign that it is time for me to have another women's empowerment meeting. It drives me crazy that I can effortlessly inspire others to reach for their goals but when it comes to me, I have a meltdown. This is the ironic scenario that has been playing over and over, reminiscent of the movie Groundhog Day. I mean, why is it that I can have the creativity to create mix media collages, a handbag, a woman's inspirational group or even a blog? Yet, when it comes to creating a tangible version of my ideal life the task morphs into some obscure foreign language that I do not comprehend. Wouldn't it be wonderful if we were born with a set of blueprints that detailed exactly what it is we are meant to do? If one more person asks me "What is it you want to do with your life?" I may just break out into a comical song and dance that will land me a starring role in the looney bin.
Since, the age of 15, I have worked every kind of job you can imagine from McDonald's drive thru, numerous administrative jobs, design assistant, showroom assistant, to a Deli, just to name a few. Now, at the tender age of 32, I work in a retail environment and if it weren't for some of my amazing co-workers, there may have been numerous times where I would have driven right past my job until I ran out of gas. That's actually a timely metaphor. Whoever, coined the term 30 is the new 20 just set me back ten years, considering I could not wait to get out of my 20's. Thank you, whoever you are. As, I was under the impression that once I entered my 30's I was sure I would know what it is I was meant to do with my life. I know I'm not the only one going through this. Although, I must admit, putting it all out there does feel good. I know what some of you may be thinking: "With the current economic status I should be grateful to even have a job." Please allow me to respond. It's not that I am not grateful, I am. However, I cannot ignore the fact that my spirit is stifled and all of my creative energies are being consumed by a huge corporate dragon, which I have aptly named StinkEye.